We won't sleep together?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
