Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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