I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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