I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
