Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
