"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
