i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
