As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
