she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize