I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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