it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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