Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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