how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize