I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
