his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
