I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize