i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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