ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
