I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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