thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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