I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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