So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
3 2 1 whiskey
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
