Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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