i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
