If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think i got beer on your cat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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