nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
