you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
