It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
