i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
