If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
