My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
