You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
