i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
