Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize