Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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