You can't special order awesome
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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