Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
