all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
