and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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