Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
