It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
