You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
