so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
