Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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