can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
