Even the bartender felt bad for me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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