I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize