I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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