apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
