if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
