so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
