after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
