what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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