dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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