i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
