He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
