She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
