I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
True college students do jello shots in the library
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize