she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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