i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
