i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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