Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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