WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
