You can't motorboat a personality
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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