i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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