you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
