Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
